The Tao of Programming

[sao]

Hi there,

I decided to post Book 1,...just for kind, gentle souls...


BOOK 1

The Silent Void


Thus spake the Master Programmer:

"When you have learned to snatch the error code from the trap frame, it will
be time for you to leave."


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1.1


Something mysterious is formed, born in the silent void. Waiting alone and
unmoving, it is at once still and yet in constant motion. It is the source
of all programs. I do not know its name, so I will call it the Tao of
Programming.

If the Tao is great, then the operating system is great.
If the operating system is great, then the compiler is great.
If the compiler is great, then the application is great.
The user is pleased, and there is harmony in the world.

The Tao of Programming flows far away and returns on the wind of morning.


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1.2


The Tao gave birth to machine language. Machine language gave birth to the
assembler.

The assembler gave birth to the compiler. Now there are ten thousand
languages.

Each language has its purpose, however humble. Each language expresses the
Yin and Yang of software. Each language has its place within the Tao.

But do not program in COBOL if you can avoid it.


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1.3


In the beginning was the Tao. The Tao gave birth to Space and Time.
Therefore Space and Time are the Yin and Yang of programming.

Programmers that do not comprehend the Tao are always running out of time
and space for their programs. Programmers that comprehend the Tao always
have enough time and space to accomplish their goals.

How could it be otherwise?


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1.4


The wise programmer is told about Tao and follows it. The average
programmer is told about Tao and searches for it. The foolish programmer is
told about Tao and laughs at it.

If it were not for laughter, there would be no Tao.

The highest sounds are hardest to hear. Going forward is a way to retreat.
Great talent shows itself late in life. Even a perfect program still has
bugs.


------------------------------------------------------------------------


Cheers...

[mervTormel]

Q: how may programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: it can't be done. it's a hardware problem.

[Craig R. Arko]

If a solitary programmer trips in the forest and drops his beer, does anyone hear the glass break?

What is the sound of sysbeep()?

[sao]

Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?


A: Seventy two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle ...

[mervTormel]

Long ago, in a finite state far away, there lived a JOVIAL character named Jack. Jack and his relations were poor. Often their hash table was bare. One day Jack's parent said to him, "Our matrices are sparse. You must go to the market to exchange our RAM for some BASICs." She compiled a linked list of items to retrieve and passed it to him.

So Jack set out. But as he was walking along a Hamilton path, he met the traveling salesman.

"Whither dost thy flow chart take thou?" prompted the salesman in high-level language.

"I'm going to the market to exchange this RAM for some chips and Apples," commented Jack.

"I have a much better algorithm. You needn't join a queue there; I will swap your RAM for these magic kernels now."

Jack made the trade, then backtracked to his house. But when he told his busy-waiting parent of the deal, she became so angry she started thrashing.

"Don't you even have any artificial intelligence? All these kernels together hardly make up one byte," and she popped them out the window...

-- Mark Isaak, "Jack and the Beanstack"

[sao]

The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball."
"Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"

[sao]

"No program is perfect,"
They said with a shrug.
"The customer's happy--
What's one little bug?"

But he was determined,
The others went home.
He dug out the flow chart
Deserted, alone.

Night passed into morning.
The room was cluttered
With core dumps, source listings.
"I'm close," he muttered.

Chain smoking, cold coffee,
Logic, deduction.
"I've got it!" he cried,
"Just change one instruction."

Then change two, then three more,
As year followed year.
And strangers would comment,
"Is that guy still here?"

He died at the console
Of hunger and thirst
Next day he was buried
Face down, nine edge first.

And his wife through her tears
Accepted his fate.
Said "He's not really gone,
He's just working late."

-- The Perfect Programmer


Cheers...